that's why i love to sleep

There will be time where all the things you do was wrong, it doesn't feel right, i don't want to do this and that, i hate everything urghh FUCK LIFE!!

What bothers me the most is that i miss you. I miss you so much. I miss you a lot. Maybe you wont feel or think anything because i always tell you that i miss you and i love you so much. But sometimes, when i say i miss you it means that i really want you to be here in front of me. Having you by my side and do nothing but to stare at you until my eyeballs pop out.

I didn't do anything this week. The entire week i just watch movies and eat and movies again and sports and not studying. Not even a glance at any book. I don't want to and i can't because my mind got stuck keep thinking of you. You're busy, i know that. But at least tell me that you're okay, you're doing fine over there and hurmm just let me know that you're alive and still exist. I'm worried, I'm over thinking and everything is a mess now.

You know when girls start to over think and worry they tend to think something like "Do i still matter to you?" "Do you even care about me?" "Do you even think about me?" and shit stuff. I don't like doing it but it comes naturally to my mind and now i feel "shit i hate you".

Things got even worse when you don't have any kind of device to keep in contact with me. You broke your phone! How can people live without their phone?! I know i can't then i'll just be this crazy girl and carries my laptop or tab everywhere i go. I don't know how else to get in contact with you. Guess i'll just have to wait for you to find me.

I spent my week mostly sleeping because i saw you in my dreams. Yes, i saw you, your face, we talked and you were there! That's why i love sleeping now. Even though you're not real and it's my dream but there's you! Even it was just a dream. I know love do makes everyone go stupid, do shit things, being weird and whatever but i just miss you so much. That's just it. I don't know how many times i'm gonna say i miss you but ya, i miss you.

Call me a clingy girlfriend. Call me your bitch or whatsoever i don't care. I want you and i want you. We're not close with each other, you're there and i'm here stuck in this plantation field, there will be time that we need to be apart, this and that but please do understand. I miss you. It kinda hurt you know. To keep this all by myself and can't share it with you. I don't blame you. Yes, it's not your fault that your phone is not working, it's not your fault that you can't find any other way to contact me cause you're super busy now and it's not your fault cause i'm feeling this way.

I miss you. I love you. I'm just worried. If i know you're okay then i'll be just fine. But now i don't so i'm not fine and i'll miss you even more. God forgive me for i have sins. God forgive me for always think of him. God forgive me for he's being my priority. Amen.

I hope i'll dream of you every night, in every sleep until my last breath. I miss you sayang.