tapi lama aku bertahan, i dont have the strength to hold this anymore.. and ya, orang tengok aku always happy, got everything that i want, always be there when friends need me, but aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk xtunjuk yang i have dozens of problems.. :'(
yes, i do jealous when my friend dah nak sambung belajar, cause i still can't figure out where am i for the next few months..my mom wants me to futher my study at Nottingham, taking FIA (foundation in arts) straight to UIR (undergraduate internal relations), my bff Chaira wants us to study together at UIA, and i dont mind studying even at UITM for FIA..i know i have to choose the best for myself, but right now, continuing study wasn't the best choice for me, why? biarlah tuhan je tahu kenapa~ :'(
i'm moving! where? tu ponn tuhan je tahu..cause i don't even wanna know where i'll be staying after this. why? aku sayang tempat aku sekarang, near to anywhere, plus this is where i grew up, from a cute little baby to a weirdo girl, named Aimi Nadiah. i learn fall from bike, crash by cars, fall into a longkang..i learn a LIFE. why do i have to move? tuhan dah aturkan yang lebih baik buat aku.. :'(
hati dan perasaan xboleh dipaksa, yes i do easily fall-in-like with anyone, even anonymous, cause that's who i am. but i also know that feeling wont last long, it'll faded away in any ways. my excuse is that "i'm bored"..is that a good reason? no, i dont think so.. i WILL express my feelings to the one i like, nak malu buat ape? aku suka kau, aku cakap laa, but that's just not enough if the person i like dont have the same feeling towards me, right? tak salah mencuba, aku bukan penakut. erm, why can't i be with the person that i like? the reason is because aku sendiri tahu it wont last long, benda pasal hati dan perasaan nie selalu buat aku rimas, serabut bagai..besides Allah dah tentukan yang terbaik untuk aku, belum sampai masa aku jumpa SI DIA.. aku redha :'(
aku nak kerja sampai bila? erm, i guess sampai bila2 aku suka laa kowt, bila aku rasa nak continue study dah, then i'll quit. i dont care if orang nak cakap ape ponn, yang aku nie duit ada, tapi malas nak sambung belajar ke, aku nie xde masa depan ke, aku nie xfikir future life aku ke, who cares??!! i know what i'm doing and i know what's the best for me. please, kau tak tahu hidup aku, jangan pandai nak judge or ive any stupid sugggestions dekat aku! hidup aku xseindah yang orang sangka, hidup aku xsebaik orang lain, my life is damn complicated, and please give me time to resolve it! :'(
Ya Allah, hanya kau tahu perjalanan hidup aku, i'm begging you please show me the way to make it easier for me to go through all this. aku tahu KAU uji hamba-Mu dengan dugaan, tapi ini dah ckup berat bagi aku to deal with it. aku yakin YOU will always be with me, and give me strength. terima kasih ya Allah. terima kasih :'(
Aimi Nadiah selalu fikir nak lari dari semua orang, bukan sebab takut orang tahu masalah aku, tapi sebab aku perlukan ruang aku sendiri till everything is right. aku tak nak susahkan orang lain sebab aku tahu semua manusia ada masalah diorang sendiri.
Ustaz Azhar Idrus said "perempuan yang banyak cakap, suka sangat gelak adalah seorang pendiam bila berhadapan dengan masalah, dia selalu menangis, dalam diam~" i guess his right, cause i;m crying right now..
-NANBA-
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